A Stick Bug's Wife
by redpanda1017
Summary: Jewel is a headstrong, resourceful damselfly and one of the circus bugs. Growing up with a classic menagerie and with Slim as a mate, she and her troupe are recruited by a sole ant to protect his colony from a band of grasshoppers. From an unlikely perspective, an island of misfit entertainers' sense of ambiguity throughout the events of Pixar's beloved classic is finally unveiled.
Rosie lashed at Dim repeatedly as he dodged the whip each time. She continued to shout heroically at him while Dim roared. Rosie's thin skeletal legs scuttled back and forth as he advanced her. Then the whip struck his left foot, they both paused as Dim groaned and he fell over bawling. Boos and hisses sounded from the audience as Rosie whispered soothingly to Dim, apologizing as she examined his foot.

Jewel stood tranquilly, watching from a distance as she leaned against one of the pillars that supported their tent. She was a lovely sea-green damselfly, her glistening wings resting along her slender body. All four of her arms were folded across her chest, her legs crossed. Rosie helped Dim to his feet and escorted him outside. Dim was a dung beetle, but despite his size, he had the mind of a child. He was gentle, but not very bright and didn't respond well to pain. Rosie, a black widow, was something of a mother to him.

The crowd, made up entirely of flies, began buzzing about the room. Their employer, P.T. Flea was shouting miserably as one approached him, demanding his money back.

"Uh, no refunds after the first two minutes." P.T. said quickly, scurrying through the flap in the tent, which was really a makeshift umbrella. "Get ready, Jewel." he said curtly to her. She followed him out, pausing abruptly as he spoke sharply to Francis and Heimlich, an ornery ladybug and a German caterpillar.

"We're losing the audience! You clowns get out there now!"

Francis hurried onstage carrying a flowery headdress as Heimlich followed him, moaning. "I hate performing on an empty stomach."

"Do your act, Heimlich. Then you can eat." P.T. called after him.

Slim, a walking stick, approached him next. "P.T., what's the point?"

"Not now, Slim." the flea groaned.

"What's the point of going out there?" Slim asked, slumping resignedly. "They'll only laugh at me."

"That's because you're a clown!"

Slim held up his index finger of his top left hand, the other three on his thorax. "No, it's because I'm a prop! You always cast me as the broom, the pole, the stick." Slim bent down, taking P.T. in two of his hands. " _A splinter_."

"You're a walking stick. It's funny! Now go!"

Slim stood up, sighing in disgust. "You parasite."

Jewel suppressed a giggle as she watched the scene. Slim was so kind and intelligent, but very dissatisfied with his job. She agreed that he deserved better, but if anyone should fight for his equality, it should be him. She supported him regardless because he was also her mate. Needless to say, he was a clown. Jewel herself performed as a singer, the only real thing she knew how to do.

Slim took a pink flowery collar from a shelf and made his way to the stage. The fanfare sounded as he emerged and Jewel peered out from the flap, watching her colleagues' act. Slim and Francis both stood in the center of the ring under a spotlight from the glowing abdomens of the fireflies who were also in P.T.'s employ. Blip and Flash, she believed their names were.

"Tra la la la la." Slim droned lazily. "Spring's in the air and I'm a flower, with nothing interesting to say."

Heimlich leapt out at the pair, his tail capped with a bee's stinger. Francis yelped and cowered behind Slim, who cried "A bee!"

"I am a cute little bumblebee!" Heimlich sang, shaking his abdomen. "Here I come!" Francis and Slim both yelled and ran. After only a moment, Heimlich was panting.

"Slow down, you flowers!" He paused as he passed a fly in the stands with a large piece of candy corn. Food always served as a distraction for Heimlich. "Oh, candy corn! Here, let me help you to finish it!" The fly squealed as Heimlich leapt back in surprise.

Across the ring, two patrons began catcalling to Francis. "Hey, cutie, you wanna pollinate with a real bug?"

Francis adopted a flirtatious smile and fluttered over to them as they continued to laugh. He thrust his flowery headdress down in a huff.

"So, being a ladybug automatically makes me a girl? Is that it, flyboy? Huh?"

"Yikes!" the two cried. "She's a guy!"

"Francis," Heimlich called, crawling over beside Slim, who was tapping his foot with his arms folded impatiently. Jewel could see that Heimlich had won the candy corn. "Leave them alone! They are poo-poo heads!"

"Not again." P.T. moaned in annoyance beside Jewel.

Francis ignored Heimlich's protests. "Judging by your breath, you must've been buzzing around a dung heap all day!"

Slim approached him. "Come on, Francis. You're making the maggots cry."

Indeed, a female behind them held two inconsolable children, but the three continued to argue.

"You lookin' for a fight?" Francis accused, his temper flaring.

"You hit like a girl!"

"Anytime, pal! I'm gonna pick the hairs out of your head one by one!"

"Take your best shot!" One of the flies shot back.

"You name the place!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, 'cause when you get there, you are dead!"

Finally, Slim decided to intervene. "Francis, let me handle this." He lifted Francis away from the flies as he spoke. "That's no way to speak to a lady."

"I heard that, you twig!" Francis cried indignantly.

P.T. leapt towards a gong on the other side of the arena. "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Manto the Magnificent and his lovely assistant, Gypsy!" Smashing the gong, he fell off of the thimble that was his perch.

The spotlight cast an eerie blue glow upon another pair from their troupe. Manny, a praying mantis, was a magician and his wife, a moth named Gypsy, was his subject for his tricks. Their only prop was an old takeout box from a Chinese restaurant.

"From the most mysterious regions of uncharted Asia," Manny droned ominously. "I give you the Chinese Cabinet of Metamorphosis!"

The light reverted to its original amber as Manny gestured to his wife. Gypsy lifted herself into the box, her wings fluttering delicately as she waved to the audience. As she folded the lid, Manny began rubbing his temples.

"I summon the voice of Confucius-" he moaned.

"Get off the stage, you old hack!" A fly from the stands howled.

Manny shrieked in alarm. "I demand to know who said that!" A berry hit him straight in the eye as the flies rolled madly. "How dare you?" Two more berries followed. Manny was trembling with fury. "Ingrates!" He strode off of the stage in a huff.

"Manny? Manny!" Gypsy protested within the box.

"I've only got twenty-four hours to live and I ain't gonna waste it here." One of the flies groaned to his companion. "C'mon!"

P.T. shrieked as his paying customers began to depart. He leapt hastily within the flap, mumbling under his breath, then into the ring, brandishing a match.

"Flaming death!" he roared. All of the flies ceased their departure. "I hold in my hand the match, the match that decides whether two bugs live or die this very evening!"

As he spoke, the entire troupe was preparing the finale. Jewel herself was laying out several more matches in a vertical line.

"In a moment," P.T. continued, gesturing to her handiwork. "I will light this trail of matches, leading to a sheet of flypaper doused in lighter fluid!"

Francis and Heimlich leapt repeatedly upon the can of lighter fluid, squirting it onto the flypaper as Slim gestured to it with all four hands.

"Aimed directly at the flypaper are Tuck and Roll, the pill bug cannonballs!" The twins leapt from the trapeze skillfully. "The cannon will be triggered by Dim, trained to jump at the sound of this bell set to go off in fifteen seconds!"

The patrons began murmuring to each other excitedly.

"Our pill bugs only hope of survival is our mistress of the high wire, Rosie!" P.T. cried, milking it as Rosie waved shyly to the audience.

"Secured to a web line of exact length," P.T. exclaimed. "Rosie will plummet down to these two posts, spinning a web of safety in less than fifteen seconds!"

P.T. had a gift with exaggeration and the use of figurative language. Jewel was waiting for him to blow everything out of proportion, which came when…..

"Not good enough, you say? Well, what if they were all BLINDFOLDED?" On the last word, P.T. swung the match, lighting it masterfully.

The flies settled back into their seats, preparing for the show. P.T. leapt to the matches as Tuck and Roll were arguing about something foolish.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I suggest that those of you with weak constitutions leave the arena, for this act is so dangerous that if the slightest thing should go wrong-"

One of the pill bugs slapped the other, sending him into P.T. The match flew to the path and lit it quickly.

"No!" P.T. cried in dismay.

"Go?" Rosie yelped. She slid between the posts, spinning her web.

One of the pill bugs bumped into Manny, who set off the timer, knocking Gypsy off of it in the process. The bell rang, prompting Dim to leap from his pedestal. One of the pill bugs was fired from the cannon, sending P.T. flying through Rosie's completed web and into the flypaper.

"Oh, no! P.T.!" Francis and Heimlich cried.

"Oh, dear!" Rosie whimpered, removing her blindfold.

The flames were licking their way up the trail of matches. Writhing, P.T. began prying himself from the flypaper. Francis, Slim and Heimlich were all running around in a panic.

"We need some water!" Francis shouted.

"Water, water, water, water!" Slim yelped repeatedly as they all tripped over each other. The flies crowding the benches were guffawing at the scene.

P.T. managed to rip himself away from the flypaper, laughing triumphantly as he sauntered away from his demise. But his victory was short-lived. The paper billowed down just as the flickering flame reached it, igniting it as well as P.T.

As the blinding light faded, a scorched flea was left frozen mid-step in a circle of charred soil. The whole troupe gathered around him timidly.

"It's the web, I'm sorry." Rosie apologized.

"You're all fired." P.T. said in a monotone.

Calls of "We've got the water!" and "Here we come, P.T.!" rang out as Francis, Slim and Heimlich returned, each carrying a bead of water. The flea was submersed in a puddle as Jewel stood beside Slim, all four of his elbows bent, clenching his fists hopefully.

"Whoo! Wow! Burn 'im again!" A sole patron howled from the audience with a light applause, sounding the end of the troupe's final act.


End file.
